Saturday, August 30, 2014

New Blog!

I started writing for a website where I may make some money!
It won't be that different from my personal blog but hopefully I will get more traffic on the Hub site and more people will read my thoughts. If I have anything silly, I will still post here. Lot's of writing!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Making A Difference

I feel like I am having an existential crisis...trying to find a job in the tech market just feels so lifeless. How am I supposed to feel alive while writing software copy or selling AT&T. It just makes me feel so small and unnecessary. I was talking to my friend recently who works for a NGO saving the whales. I have another friend working with malnourished children in Africa. I'm sure they get some sort of pleasure from these positions. I always thought I would change the world and it's really inhibiting my job search. I realize that each working part of a company make the work influential as a whole but I feel like I want to make more of a difference on this Earth. I am just having a hard time caring about finding a meaningless job when our world is falling apart, what with ISIS beheading journalists, racism and police brutality, WWIII on the horizon and all the other things Vice reports on. But maybe I'll just write write Earth shattering software least it pays the bills.

Here are some lyrics from a Fleet Foxes song I found myself humming while I wrote this blog post:

Helplessness Blues

I was raised up believing I was somehow unique
Like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes, unique in each way you can see
And now after some thinking, I'd say I'd rather be
A functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me

Friday, August 15, 2014

Old School

I have been reading Dostoevsky again. Maybe I'm missing my studies and I spent a lot of time with Dostoevsky to write my thesis. Maybe I missed his psychotic unstable characters. But there is something about reading classics that make the reader nostalgic for a time passed. A simpler time, maybe? Realistically, no. I think passed generations had it a bit harder than the 21st century. Although, it does seem like the problems the characters have are much more immediate and small. Whom shall I marry? The neighbor has been frequenting the tavern so regularly...Did you know the milkmaid ran away with the butcher? Now with global connectivity, neighborhood drama is just gossip. Who cares about the little things when ISIS is taking over the Middle East, dictators are using chemical warfare and police brutality is getting out of hand. The level of transparency in our world today may be just really expose the ugliness of human nature. At least back in the 19th century society masked it pretty well so as uphold dignity. I'm not sure which is better but the 21st century definitely longs for a simpler time. It seems that the Medieval Age definitely wins in the nostalgia category. I can tell you, that was not a happier time. Mainly due to lack of sewage systems. But between Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, Clash of Clans, there is something alluring about feudal lords, knights, kings, jousting, swords...they just don't show the shit in the streets. Anyways, I think it's interesting that we obsess on generations passed and romanticize all the good things. I'll keep on reading the classics for the time-being. Besides reading Jonathan Franzen and Zadie Smith, I feel like Dostoevsky is more challenging than most contemporary authors at the moment...

Yes, I guess this idea isn't novel and groundbreaking...Monty Python got there first.

Passed Past

I miss yesterday.
It will never happen again.
Doesn't it make you wish you did more with yesterday?
Not quite regret but just
That you used that hour more...progressively?
If you make a word an adverb it seems to long more.
Desire more.
Desire morely. 
Desire wisely. 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

kitchen disasters?

So, as we have established...I have a lot of time on my hands, what with moving to a new city, unemployment and healing from knee surgery. I have been watching the Food I've been cooking! And baking! And failing! I was obsessed about this gnocchi dish I saw on Southern at Heart. That girl is just so darn cute with her Kentucky accent and all. So, I tried to recreate this oh-so-easy recipe. Spoiler: it came out just fine, actually really good. It just took me probably 3 times as long as this gal on TV made it. The dough was just so sticky and I had a huge mess as I tried to roll my gnocchi dough down a fork to make the little ridges. By the way, the Food Network labels this recipe as "easy." I felt like a failure. But I kept going. Next step was to boil the little cheese pillows and then fry them in bacon grease. Yum. bacon grease was sizzlin and as I dropped the little nuggets in, the grease popped everywhere. Another mess. I definitely burned myself somewhere during that step. My final mistake was to add dates into the sauce because the recipe called for them. But I hate dates. I apparently thought they may be magically transformed in this special sauce. Anyways, long story short, the meal came out wonderfully I just had a big mess to clean up and the preparation took forever...not to mention the 80$ grocery tab.
I just have been thinking about all these meals I have been cooking and the cinnamon rolls I have been baking and the bread and how I have never tried to be a good cook, never really wanted to be. But there is something comforting about making something that is pleasant to eat, it's good and it's good for you because you know all the ingredients you put in it. I have really realized how rewarding cooking can be and even though it is frustrating, time-consuming and I am always my worst critic, it helps the healing process.
Here is the recipe:
And some pictures of my cooking:

Plus, baking treats make great instagram photos...

Pinch of This

Pinch of this,
Pinch of that,
Oh, wait, that was too much.
Shit, that's on fire.
Does bubbling mean it's overcooked?
Wait, that's ok.
Just sip some wine, it'll improve the taste.
But it's not so bad right? 
I'm never doing this again.
What's on the Food Network?
We need to run to the store...