Thursday, March 24, 2011


I have had the most amazing days here in Tahoe...the snow has been quite epic. The storm total has equaled 110" on the top of Squaw Valley USA and man am I one happy little skier. I went out on Tuesday with some of the best skiers I know, had the best run of my life. Reverse Traverse opened and we were among the first couple groups to hike it. We came up over the slot and around to the first cliff band before Classic Chute. The snow was past my bellybutton...I felt like I was flying. We lapped the traverse 5 times before coming around Adrenaline side from KT. That night was the last night-skiing of the season so we stayed skiing until 7 PM and ended with a party at CBC.
and I am off for another day, the snow keeps on comin!
Thanks Jordan Basile, Kaya Lampe, Travis Ganong, Maggie Nichols and Ehrin Davis for literally the best (and longest) ski day of my life....<3

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I am currently toying with some ideas for a project in my Russian Realism class.
Count Leo Tolstoy was very interested in the way we fit into social roles and what happens when we attempt to transcend our given roles, or perform in a role that isn't ours.
I think that this is question of how to be genuine is relevant; that it doesn't belong only in a 20th century realist setting.
In War and Peace, there is a famous critique of the theater through the eyes of his character Natasha. She seems to be the most candid of characters; always instinctual and unassuming. She doesn't shy away from her Russian countryside background as shown in the scene where she is dancing an old peasant dance barefoot with her rugged uncle. She seems to be the most "real."
In this scene at the theater in the city she is dressed to the nines, complete with a heavy silk gown. But Natasha, "[a]fter the country...found all this [performance] wild and astonishing" (561). Natasha is sitting with the best of society up in the balcony, being shown off to all prospective suitors, and is not quite understanding the play. She sees through the falseness of theater, noticing the "painted cardboard," and the "man with tight silk breeches on his fat legs" (560-1). Natasha recognizes the falsity of this representation on the stage of "real" life even feeling "embarrassed for the performers" (561). As she watches, though, she suddenly becomes enamored and imagines herself up on stage...changing her view of theater and ultimately changing herself.
If you pan away from this immediate scene, Natasha herself is acting in a role that is not hers. She has been falsely dolled-up in order to fit in with the other women of society. It is only here in Moscow, at the theater where Natasha is attempting to perform in a role expected of her by society, where she becomes apocryphal, false. Not to mention that the next scenes involving the foppish Anatole is the start of her demise within contemporary Russian society.This scene could represent a warning against performing or faking a self by showing an unblemished character becoming tainted because of her attempt to be something she is not.

This idea of performance reminds me of Judith Butler's discussion of gender and sexuality being a performance (if you haven't read her work, do so. "Imitation and Gender Insubordination"). I wonder if I can somehow tie Tolstoy's critique of false representation in literature to Butler's modern ideas of gender and sexuality.

I also think about this in everything I do (and there's no wonder Tolstoy was a neurotic wreck at times); if its real, if I am only "performing, " if I am being genuine.
Anywhy (made that up, but I think its better than 'anywho, ' who came up with that?), since this has become my digital diary, which the world can see, those are my Tuesday rain thoughts.

'til next time,

Saturday, March 12, 2011

hello world

Today I am going to meet with various literary agents from around the Bay Area. Mill's College is putting on their first-ever Pitch-Fest, where prose students can "pitch" their ideas to local agents. I am going to try to weasel my way into a job...I am trying to do some last minute research; where the agents work, what they specialize in and where I would fit in best. I don't have a CV, which maybe I should work on, but I feel like I don't have enough experience to even expand on in a CV. Well, I am coming armed with my resume and the Byzantium.
I was fondly re-visiting some old Byzantium manuals and the work I did last year. Some nostalgic and not-so shameless self-promotion...I was the Senior Co-Editor of Cal Poly's Literary Magazine. (picture from Missy Titus- our Art Director)
What a great year...

Friday, March 11, 2011


I had the conception (purposefully leaving out 'mis') that to have a blog is, in some way, exposing too much of one's interior monologue. But as I try to ease myself into the rushing river of life, I find it might be necessary. I have spent the last couple evenings arranging an online persona and it is surreal. Now I am "Linked-in," have a profile on AboutMe...I very much want to reject all these social networking technologies but the more I look into the "real-world", the more I realize I need to keep up with the digital age. I sound like I am 80 years old.
Well, here I am. I have taken the plunge. I have a blog that I can now refer people to if they want a peek into my brain.